MY JOURNEY
HOW IT ALL STARTED
Blurry nights..Blurry vision... Feel like crap the next day. This was my lifestyle formula for a while. I thought I was living life and being in the moment. Misery rapidly creeped in. I was trying to find myself in all the WRONG PLACES. ie . bars, parties, relationships, drunken nights, and so on. There was only so much that I could take from living in a state of misery. I was seeking to feel whole; failing to realize I was already complete.
I knew deep down I was more than just the party girl taking shots with a whole bunch of people who really didn't know the me of me. I was attracting all the wrong things into my life. I was out of alignment with my true self. My real essence- a being of light.
I ENTERED A NEW CHAPTER OF MY LIFE…
and my life felt like it was caving in. I was in a sunken ship with all of my thoughts and emotions. I had never experienced a dark storm like the one I was in. I started experiencing extreme negative thoughts (anxiety driven). It turned my life upside down. My thoughts scared me to my core. Thankfully I am blessed to have an amazing support system- my family. I went right away to see a therapist. She reminded me that I wasn’t alone. What I was experiencing was a chemical imbalance from mental trauma. This traumatic experience set me off on my journey. Out of the darkness came so much beauty. I learned how to cope with these thoughts and had an awakening- I am not my thoughts. Years later if they do surface I know it's just my monkey brain trying to scare me. I am able to disassociate and scan my mental state to see where this anxiety is stemming from.
This dark chapter became the catalyst to a new life- an awakening.
On this journey of self discovery,
I fell in love with myself. With all of me. From my round nose, to my “small breasts”, to my small shape, and released society's dogma of beauty. I am me and I love all of me. I swear falling in love with me was the recipe for finding my LIFE partner. I realized all that I was seeking was within me. I know God (however you refer to the higher source) was waiting for me to discover that before finding my life partner. Fast forward to today, he is my rock and my best friend. He respects my space and growth. Our roots are now both intertwined and we are on a journey of growth.
MY MOMMA JOURNEY
What started off as me thinking I had the stomach bug, ended up being a little bug that was growing in me who is now my toddler. My sweetest joy today was my biggest challenge then. I was constantly vomiting and I mean CONSTANTLY. 3-4 times a day. But hey, I had to push through and start my day and drive nauseously to my miserable cubicle. I would start to ponder and tell myself “Aliana, you knew what you were getting yourself into when you accepted this position” or “why would you say yes to a 9-5 knowing this isn't the path meant for you”. “Why would you succumb to such misery all over again?” This internal tug (literally and figuratively) is what led me to where I am today. A BAM (a bad ass mama).
I spent most of my pregnancy working, eating ice cream, using my belly as my rest stand, and vomiting. I was so darn excited to meet my peanut, but at the same time I was freaking out. CRAP, I don’t have EVERYTHING figured out. Shouldn’t I finally know wth I want to do? The answer is: I was exactly where I was supposed to be. Little did I know my life was blossoming little by little. I just had to fertilize my garden and weed it out. Thankfully I had the BEST life coach on the planet! She provided me with the fertilizer, water, light, seeds, rake, gloves etc. to help me nourish my garden. And just like any garden, I needed patience and faith in God/source/universe that my garden will one day thrive. It was a great investment that stretched me in ways like no other.
i am A WOMAN who:
Loves herself
Loves her little family with all her heart
Pauses in the mommy chaos
recharges
carves out time for herself
says no
Surrenders
Takes longgggg deeeeeeep belly breaths outside while observing nature
Needs her routine to stay sane
Lives by affirmations
faith / positivity
IMPERFECT
The list goes on & it’s a continuous journey...
I changed my life's trajectory,
all for the betterment of my soul and for the betterment of my little family. The day my daughter was born, I was reborn and my purpose reawakened: being a light to others!